Rock music and youth

why don't anyone get it?

2005-10-02T17:08:00.000-07:00

they act like they don't know, but they do..
forget the date, forget the name.. Why did you have to go, life was just getting started.. why did it happen?
I don't get this world, there is no point, I'm so tired..
I just want to be left alone, no people, no feelings, no sorrow..
your grave just lies there, I can believe you are underneath it.. trying to remember I hear you laughter in my head.. and my friend's voice when he called and said you were dead.. why??

funeral

2005-08-09T12:23:00.000-07:00

never thought I would have to go to one of my best friends' funeral at the age of 18.. it was terribel
fuck god

We will always love you Jacob

2005-08-03T17:08:00.000-07:00

On august 2nd my beloved and wonderful friend Jacob died. He had jumped from a little bridge to swim, hit his head and died 5 hours later..
He had turned 18 9 days before that, and he had gotten his first tattoo, at last, 5 days before it happend.. I didn't even get a change to see it..
I hope you are happy where you are, and I hope you know that I love you, eventhough I never got the chance to tell it to you.. I didn't realise that I was in a hurry..
Feeling this sorrow in my body and seeing it in our friends' faces, breaks my heart again and again..
I just wanted to say goodbye.. Wish they would have taken me instead..
Rest in peace my beloved friend..

Jacob Nikolai Damgaard Petersen
Born: July 24 th 1987
Died: August 2nd 2005

Acceptance

2005-07-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of hook on this song by acceptance.. I don't know what it is, I just really like it.. especially the piano in the background.. here's the lyrics.

Acceptance, Different
Tell myself, on the ride home.
Getting tired, hating all I've known.
Holding on, like it's all I have.
Count me out, when it's clear that I, find it hard to say.
And you, find it hard to care.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different,
everything you would change in me.

Got this way, upfront but never true.
God I'm wrong, it's just the way I am.
Crashing down, any chance you hear.
Caving in, any chance that you, could see inside of me.
And I don't know what to say, It's fine.
This isn't Hollywood.
So fine, getting in your way.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different,
everything you would change in me.

I'm taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.
Taking a chance, this could be different.
This could be all I'm waiting for.

I wanted to see something that's different,
something you said would change in me.
Wanted to be, anything different
everything you would change in me.

just check it out, it rock

home

2005-07-19T16:35:00.000-07:00

just came home today..from 10 days in Hungary with my family.. I just feel like shit.. think I've brought a couple of thousand sicknesses with me!
saw L word to day.. that was great, love that show..Shane got beaten up..she's hot..
got hooked on the writer Lorenzo Carcaterra, author of Sleepers, on this holiday... he's amazing.. and if you don't know sleepers you better go get it and read it!!!! the greatest book EVER
I've just bought 4 books on the internet!! Hope I can afford it.. in 8 days I'm going to Paris...That's going to be great, I love paris
If you walk down the streets in Paris a warm summer evening, it's like walking down the street in the 1950'es.. Paris has so much soul..
But I'm tired, so I'll go..
peace out

my head

2005-06-19T23:45:00.000-07:00

my thought are swimming through my mind
trying to rip me apart
working out just fine
falling apart every day
trying to collect the pieces
but someone keeps walking by
and kicking me in the head..

Falling down
lying on the pavement
trying to get up
but you keep walking on me
trying to scream
but my lungs are full of blood
afraid of you
afraid of myself.

total darkness
quiet, oh so quiet
trying to speak
trying to think
but the darkness surrounds me
threatening to kill me
I wish it would..

death is not an alternativ
I thought
maybe it is
can't be worse
therefore it has to be better

my watch is ticking
abnormally loud
reminding me of the secound I lose
by sitting here
wishing for death

it's an evil circle
I can't get out
therefor I'll go lie down
in the darkness
and think of nothing
until the sleep saves me
from myself

poem

2005-06-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

locked inside my head
no escape
need you here
"I'll always be there for you
but I have to go"...
Like a knife in my back...

need

2005-06-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

and then when you need people, they say "all always be there for you" or " I'm right here for you if you need to talk".. but it kind of fucks it all up that their next sentence is "but I have to go, see ya later" fucking shit.. can't they hear the pain in my voice? Or is it just because they don't give a shit??
To busy fucking their boyfriends or girlfriends to pay attention to my scream for help..
If I die, I hope they come to think about how their actions pushed my off the edge..
And now this baptition tomorrow for my cousin.. I have to dress up nicely so that my parents will look good..then I have to sit for like 10 hours pretending that I give a shit about this kid being dipped in water by some guy in a dress who live by a lie of jesus christ my ass..
I have to suck up to the family I don't know, so that everybody will tell my parents what a couple of nice daughters they have.. I fucking hate it..
but I'll go now, before I smash my laptop..
peace out

party

2005-06-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

yesterday me and my older sister held a party in our garage.. It's was great, I had a great time and got the chance to really talk with one of my good friends.. that was nice, but it was just because I was really drunk..otherwise I would never had told him everything, that's the part that sucks..
But I had a nice time.. Today I'm just really tired of my mum.. she stresses over anything and she had to give me a hard time about every little thing our friends did last night.. If I don't go insane by living with her and don't know what will happen, really..
But now the summer holiday has really started..and luckilly it's totally booked, so I wont be home for more than 2 weeks all together.. it's cool..I'm going to paris and hungary + some music festivals
but I'll go I'm watching crazy/beautiful.. take care
peace out

HOLIDAY

2005-06-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

My fears and tears are over...
the exams are over, didn't go quite as good as I hoped for, but it doesn't matter.. I'm just glad it's over
Now I've started cleaning my room.. and eventhough I've already spend 5 hours doing that, it's still a total mess.. the downside of haping a big room...
Tomorrow I ain't doing anything, oh well I have to do a chemistry repport, but other than that, I ain't doin anything, but thursday it all starts.. from thursday and until we start in school again august 10th my schedule is totally booked.. kind of wild, but great too... :)
but I'll go back to the cleaning..
peace out

3 days

2005-06-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

in 3 days my summerholiday starts! then my nightmare will be over, and I can start breathing normally again..

Starting up

2005-06-10T15:17:00.000-07:00

I wont introduce myself, you can judge me by your own standards, afterall, I'll probably never know what you think of me, and even if I did, what differens does it make?

Today was my first exam in 2nd year of high-school.. It was math and it went ok, not as great as I hoped since I've read 24/7 the past 2 weeks and my great was only one above passed.. but then again,I'm just glad it's over..
Monday it's psysics but right now I can't even think of one more exam.. my brain is melting down under the pressure from alle my stupid expectations..
For some stupid reason I will never be anything else but an average high-school pupil, 18 years old with everything that comes with the territorium...!

My neck is hurting, Limp Bizkit is in my headphones while my thoughts flow away from this place. I have never been more unhappy with my life and my home than I am right now, and what pisses me off the most is that I aint got shit to be unsatisfied with...bull

it's sad that there isn't an alternativ to life.. seems to me that, now that I have realised that there really isn't a meaning with life I can only think "hmm.... " and go on with my meaningsless existence...!! greeeat..

the smell of clorin just touched my nose, bringing me back to the days when I was a swimmer.. the freedom of being under water.. no sounds, no people, nothing..just water.. Now I don't go to the swimming bath, because I wont show myself in a bathing suit...!! what a wonderful world..

It's late and my brain is running on overdrive.. I'm lonely in a house full of people.. I'm sad on a happy day.... what's wrong with me?
I'll return later to write again.. hope that just one little soul read this..

peace out